hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
