sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
