I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
