She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
