i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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