shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We left an ass print on the piano.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize