Just fell off a train. Bad.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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