She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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