Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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