He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
