3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize