I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
