friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
