I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
