I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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