dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
