those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I think people are normalizing furries
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
