I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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