First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
