i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
