I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
