The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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