Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
