she's into porn, im staying here tonight
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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