At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
