My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
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Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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