Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
