im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
