Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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