belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
