My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
