when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
