I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
