I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Blood and glitter go together right?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
