I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
