My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Why is your signature on my underwear?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
