I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
