Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Randomize
