Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
