no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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