If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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