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Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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