I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
