i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
