I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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