I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
