No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
