Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
