there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
