Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
The ass gains better be worth it
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
