smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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