I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
