please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
