Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
