Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
