I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
