So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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