i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
