my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I don't deserve a penis
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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