best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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