Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
