there's paper in my vomit.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
