Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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