okay pat passed out under dana's car
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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