Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
