Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
