Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize