Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
