Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
