I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
