I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
