He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
