the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
